I never thought I would have to be posting in here until my gliders had many years behind them. I have had my first glider cross the bridge and it is my fault that he is dead. My husband went out of town for the weekend and I don't like being alone so I planned on staying with my family over the weekend. I came home yesterday afternoon on my way back from a doctors appointment to check on the animals and feed them all and give them some loves before going to stay at my grandparents with my son. I had also picked up some Super worms at Pet Co for Striker because he loves meal worms and I thought he would be so happy with these. I was so excited to get home and feed those to him and hear his happy chirps. I went to grab the pouch with my trio and found that it was empty. They had all somehow escaped from their cage though I don't know how because all the doors were shut. Well on top of the fridge I found Gypsy and Sophia cuddled up sleeping in a cereal box but no Striker. I searched everywhere and couldn't find him. Then the thought crossed my mind. The bathroom. The door was wide open. I slowly went in there not wanting to see what I knew I was going to. There floating in the water was my beloved Striker. I just screamed and started crying. The hardest part was with my husband being gone I was the one that had to take him out. It was so hard to see him there. I took him out with a towel and put him in a box that I plan on burying him in once hubby gets here to help. I feel so awful and I just can't get over the guilt. Thank God I had plans with my family last night because I would have been a blubbering mess by myself. I can't stop thinking of him. I can't stop thinking of how I killed him. We are usually so good about keeping the lid down. Why this time that I left the lid up did it have to be the time he decided to get out and fall in? If I would have been home I would have heard him in the water and could have saved him but I wasn't. I can't stop thinking about him in the water, so scared. Was he calling for his friends? Did he call for me? I can't stop thinking about the pain he must have been in trying to get out and the last breath he took while the water burned his little lungs. I woke up this morning and for a moment thought it was all a dream and that it all just hit me again. It's real and he is not coming back. I took away his life and I took away the best friend of his two girls Gypsy and Sophia. Tomorrow I will be going to deliver 2 rehomed girls to their new mommy. A part of me doesn't even want to go anywhere. I just want to stay at home curled up on the couch but these girls are going to a great home and this will help keep my mind off of what I did. I also know it's what Striker would have wanted.
I want to tell you all a little about Striker. He was my first WF and I just brought him home in Jan. I drove 10 hours one day to get him and TracieB out of the goodness of her heart drove 6 hours to help get him to me. (I'm so sorry Tracie...he was your nephew and I now you loved him too) He was such a beautiful boy and absolutely loved his girls. He just enjoyed grooming them so much and cuddling up with them at night. It was such a joy to watch him with them because you could just see the affection. He loved his meal worms more than any of my gliders. Instead of nicely grabbing one with his mouth, his little hand would shoot out to grab those things. He would beg at the side of the cage until I gave him one. He had the must beautiful big eyes and it was so hard to say no to that. He was just beautiful all over. I am going to miss him so much and I don't know how to get over his death and all the guilt. Gypsy is now expecting twins from him and seems to be about 4 weeks along(I never saw them mate). I want to do something special to remember Striker...to not have his death be for nothing. I want you all to help me find a good place to donate money to in Striker's name for glider research. When these babies are old enough to sell I'm going to have the money given directly to what ever place I can find that will be doing their best to make sure gliders our healthy and well taken care of here in the US. I am open to all suggestions and could really use your help with this. I think it will really help me in the healing process. Thank God that Gypsy has Sophia in there so she should help Gypsy raise these babies with Striker being gone. Dear God my boy doesn't even get to see his first babies...his only babies. I know he would have been a great dad. Here is a thread on making a ladder for your toilet here. Please do this. We were very good about putting down the lid but not everyone is perfect...no one. It can happen to anyone.
I have given my gliders the best life that I can...that I know how. I couldn't protect him though...I couldn't save him. I'm so sorry baby....I'm so sorry. I hope you know that I love you and I always will. I will never ever forget you.
Re: I killed Striker. Dear God I'm so sorry........
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#267744 04/21/0710:20 PM04/21/0710:20 PM
Oh Dez - I am so sorry to hear of your loss! Accidents can happen to anyone! It is not your fault - it was an accident. Thank God the other two weren't with him and didn't get hurt. I am sending hugs and prayers your way!
Molly, son & husband:
Chairman Meow Oscar & Thomas Sam, Diego, Delilah, Delia Nevada, Noel Marcel, Dakota, Latte Dexter, Didi, Almond, Joy and Fitz
Karl,Lenny,Jynxie,Chamille, Kee & Mr. Beans in my heart forever. Teaching teenagers-part joy, part guerilla warfare!
Re: I killed Striker. Dear God I'm so sorry........
[Re: Xglider]
#267748 04/21/0710:26 PM04/21/0710:26 PM
I am so very sorry this happened to Striker and to you. Sometimes everything goes wrong for absolutely no reason and there's nothing you can do about it. Please be gentle with yourself.
Moira & Matty & my zoo
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[Re: mattysmom]
#267778 04/21/0711:12 PM04/21/0711:12 PM
Oh my I'm so sorry you had to go through this... Please don't be so hard on yourself, things happen that are out of our control, no matter how hard we try. Striker was very lucky to have you.
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[Re: mattysmom]
#267783 04/21/0711:18 PM04/21/0711:18 PM
Dez, don't be so hard on yourself. This same thing has happened to many dedicated and careful suggie slaves. In fact, at the first SGGA I went to, I remember Lucy presenting the data she had gathered in the death database and saying that the number one cause of death for captive gliders was drowning, usually in the toilet. I'm not sure if after gathering more data, it has remained the most common cause, but it is VERY common. You are not alone. Accidents just happen.
Maybe reading your post will make other glider slaves jump up and check their toilets and/or cages as I'm about to do as soon as I hit submit. I'm staying at my parent's house this weekend, and the gliders are in their travel cage, which they've never escaped from, but which I don't feel is quite as secure as their regular cage. I think I'll go find something to reinforce the latch.
I'm so sorry this happened to Striker, but at least you still have Gypsy and Sophia. Give them some extra luvin!
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#267785 04/21/0711:24 PM04/21/0711:24 PM
Oh Dez!! :Hug2: I am so so sorry to hear about little Striker! Accidents can happen to anyone and I'm so sorry it happened at this time to you. Striker will forever be in your heart and I know I will never forget his little face either, because I LOVE that picture of them in the cracker box! He is very precious and I'm sure his babies will be just like him!
Kristin :glider: Sparkles & Flower Loving Husband Christopher Proverbs 3:5,6
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#267788 04/21/0711:29 PM04/21/0711:29 PM
I am so sorry about the feelings you are dealing with. I know them firsthand all too well. Please try, even if it's in the future, to understand that YOU didn't kill him.
In these times of life it's important to see that it was merely time for him to go. I know that doesn't help right now. It didn't help me at first, but I believe that in time you will see.
Sweetheart, I mourn with you and your girls so much, so please forgive what may seem like harshness right now. However, these are facts you must accept. Did you MEAN for him to die? Was it your hand that put him there? No, honey. Blaming yourself will only delay you from remembering him the way God wants you to.
Mourn now. For as long as you need. Don't skip any step. But please try to understand YOU DID NOT KILL HIM!!!!! For years I have tried to fight the idea that I have caused the glider deaths in my home by not being thorough enough. Not minding EVERY POSSIBLE DANGER. How could you have been perfect? My love, no one is. Don't let guilt stop your heart from healing. It is NOT what Striker would want for you.
I will say again, you didn't take him in your hands and hold him under. THAT would be killing him. YOU DID NOT twist his neck and break it. THAT would be killing him.
You enriched his life with a loving new home, a harem just waiting for him , a chance to father joeys, and mealies for love, comfort, and spoiling... YOU ARE A WONDERFUL MOMMY! And we here at GC are not only mourning with you, we believe in you, and will carry you until you can stand again, for your darling girls.
I you need to talk, yell, cry, or scream, I am a night owl in the truest sense. Here is my cell, it is on 24/7. I love your dedication and spirit. They will serve you and your little loved ones in the future as well as thru this present crisis.
214-684-3552. BTW if you need ME to call YOU, just let me know, because my cell is free all night, sweetheart. ANY TIME, ANY REASON...
Kara H. aka Gliderbuff
Mourning with you.....
(Mods, edit if you must... )
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#267791 04/21/0711:33 PM04/21/0711:33 PM
As A guy I am well aware about the toilet seat thing. My ex "fell" in one nite due to a lazy furf. I will never leave the seat up again. My Rump still hurt from that Rump chewing. (smile it will do you good)
Again This is unusal for me to be in this thread but your topic caught my eye. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Again do not beat your self up too badly. but keep your head up your two girls need your love just as much as ever.
I would send you hugs but your arms are probally sore from all the hugs so instead take a kiss MUAH.
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#267800 04/21/0711:41 PM04/21/0711:41 PM
Oh Dez, I am so sorry for your loss. Call me anytime if you need to talk. And please don't blame yourself, accidents happen. I know what a careful mom you are, and Striker knew how much you loved him.
If you decide you would like another beautiful little boy to help with your's and Gypsy's grief, let me know. I would be proud to give you my little guy. He is 12 weeks OOP now and a great babysitter. No one will ever take Striker's place, but you know where I live if you want to come get him.
I was going to wait till tomorrow to talk to you about what happened, but I saw this post and just had a feeling it was yours... I'm sooo very sorry!!!!! I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain... Know we're all here for you, no matter what, and if you should need anything, or just someone to talk to, all you have to do is say so. *HUGZ* I will talk to you more tomorrow. I'm so sorry Dez. I wish I knew what to say to make this better, but I don't...
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#267843 04/22/0712:35 AM04/22/0712:35 AM
Oh my! I am SO sorry you've lost your baby in such a horrible way, but please, do not blame yourself. We're all human and we can do our best to keep them safe and it's not always enough. What were the odds that the one time you forgot the seat that he would escape his cage?
And, it doesn't matter how it happened....we recently lost our beloved Amelie to natural causes, but we're still racked with guilt...did we do all that we could? Did we somehow contribute to her death? Etc.
In the end, all we can do is love them with all our hearts and hope that they know how much we care for them. I'm soo so sorry for your loss.
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#267870 04/22/0701:33 AM04/22/0701:33 AM
Oh, Dez! I am so sorry to read your story about little Striker. Please, please be kind to yourself. Accidents do happen, and that's what this was, an accident. Your story, with the link to the post about glider ladders as well as the bathroom signs, will no doubt help many who read your tragic story. Everyone who comes to my home knows how much I love my sugar babies, and yet I am constantly hovering around the bathroom after they've used it, just to make sure the toilet seat is put back down. Almost always, it is left up! I have yet to make a ladder and print out those signs myself, and your story is a somber reminder for me to do so.
Give your two girls extra love and kisses, and get some much-needed rest. When we're tired, especially when we're distraught, it's especially easy to make mistakes. I know that's the case for me. Take time to grieve; take time for yourself. But take it easy on yourself. You are not to blame. You can't play the "what if" game. Without knowing the reasons, I do believe that everything happens exactly as it should. It was Striker's time.
Forever owned in my heart by my "Eight is Enough" colony:
I'm so sorry for your loss, and know how much it hurts. Even when you know for a fact nothing you could have done would have helped, you still wonder if you could have done more. Please don't feel you're at fault. Depending on how long he'd been there, even a ladder may not have saved him. I remember the one picture from pic of the week, also. He'll still be here as long as you remember him.
Jen/Colin Commander Riker 12 16 02-10 04 12 you will be FOREVER missed Sinbad, Gabby, Baby, and Alley
Re: I killed Striker. Dear God I'm so sorry........
[Re: Xfilefan]
#267934 04/22/0707:44 AM04/22/0707:44 AM
Dez, I'm so very sorry As I read through your post, the tears were flowing down - your agony came through so vividly. As everyone else has already said, you really shouldn't blame yourself. YOU are not to blame. Accidents do happen, even to the most vigilant of us. In fact, I just went to check my boys' bathroom and found their toilet seat up, in spite of the Toilet Safety Sign on the back of the tank You can be sure I'll be having a "chat" with them today!
Know that during the time you had with Striker, he knew he was loved and cared for. You will have the legacy of his joeys to carry on. The girls still have each other.
As for a good organization to donate to for glider research, I'm not sure of an answer on that one. However, I DO know that Peggy (Srlb) is setting aside the proceeds from her new book about gliders for glider research. You may want to contact her to find out if there's a place you can donate the joey proceeds to.
Know that we are here for you. If you need to call me & talk, I'm here for you: 440-953-0904 (home) or 440-520-4799 (cell).
Sending you lotz of hugz and I am sorry that you have had to experience the loss of your handsome suggie Striker. Please don't be hard on yourself unfortunate accidents happen. I am glad to know that your lil mother is not going to be alone when Strikers babies come oop. Your in my prayers. I know it was hard for you to share your story as it was for all to read but if it saves on lil glider then Strikers passing was not invane. Thank you for sharing Striker with all of us.
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#267944 04/22/0709:11 AM04/22/0709:11 AM
I'm soo sorry for you loss . I just woke up to read this and I sit here and cry for you and how you must have felt. Please do not blame yourself! My son (5) and daughter (6) are sitting here and I told them about what happened and showed them his pics and they are crying too. My son left and went to check the potty lids, without having been told to do so. I'm so very sorry. THank you for putting that link we are going out tomorrow to buy that as a back up. (It's amazing how such a small animal can touch us in such a BIG way). I wish we could put that (pic of the week) of your babies back up there TODAY for you!!!???!!!
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#267949 04/22/0709:30 AM04/22/0709:30 AM
Oh Dez... your post broke my heart all over again. I lost my very first glider to a drowning and I know exactly how you feel. It truly is not your fault hun. Much love to you and the girls. They will help you through it. I had nothing after Loki... but you are not alone. You'll be ok. And Striker knows it isn't your fault. Hang in there...
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#267989 04/22/0711:46 AM04/22/0711:46 AM
so sorry, prayers and hugs to you,, to keep his memory alive , and help others remember, maybe you can make a sign with his picture on it and also put a ladder with it , as a pkg. if they came together, more may put both in bathroom, his memory ,will help save others, god bless
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#268006 04/22/0712:40 PM04/22/0712:40 PM
Thank you all so much for your kind words. You are the only ones that really understand the love I have for my gliders because you feel it too for your own. I am still overwhelmed with guilt and the "what if's." I just can't get over that. I've also checked over their whole cage again and can not find anywhere they could have gotten out of. The one other time they escaped(the cracker box picture) I found that one of the doors where the food dishes go in stuck so when I put in the food dish the door would not fall down and close so it would be left open. So I don't ever use that door because I'm afraid that I will forget to close it manually. Now the only thing I can think of is that when I took them out in their pouch to spend time with me on Thursday and get their mealies that I left the door open. It stays open by itself if it is opened all the way so I had to of done that and the reason the door wasn't open when I got home was that they jumped on it or climbed on it when they were out and it shut on it's own. So that makes me feel even more awful and more guilty because I can't figure out any other way they could have all escaped. I want to at some point find another little WF boy to put in with the girls after the joeys are old enough and have their new homes but that's just going to be hard. T you are such a sweetie. Thank you so much for your offer but with your little WF boy being Sophie's half brother I would either have to split Sophie and Gypsy up(which I just won't do because they are bonded and need each other especially after the lose of Striker) or have him in another cage and find another friend for him and I don't want to have a permanant 4th cage because I want to be sure that I have enough time for everyone. You have always been such a good friend T and you are such a good person. Thank you so much for always being there for me. I was so looking forward to those beautiful WF babies from him. I just hope Gypsy's baby are okay and that they are WF's and everything goes well. That will be quite a bit of money to donate in Striker's name from those babies. Thank you Sue for the info on glider research. I'm going to contact Srlb(Peggy) about where she is going to give her money to.
I miss him so much already. Taking the girls out yesterday and then today...the pouch just seems so empty. They aren't complete...they are without Striker. I just wish I could bring him back but I know he is in such a better place then I could have ever given him. I take comfort in that but not in the fear and pain he must have endured....that and the guilt are what is making this so hard.
I can't believe the outpouring and support of this board I have received just since last night. I don't think there is a closer community here on the web. I trust many of you more than I trust most people. You are all wonderful, kind, big-hearted, compassionate people. I consider all of you good friends. Thank you such much for helping me through this hard time. There is no way I could have made it without you.
Last edited by dwsuggies; 04/22/0701:29 PM.
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[Re: sugarglidersuz]
#268070 04/22/0702:36 PM04/22/0702:36 PM
I feel so bad for you, DO NOT beat yourself up though,Accidents do happen, and sometimes they hurt,take comfort that he knew you loved him.
Cindy Mom to Jae, Ashton, Briannah, Nevaeh & Addy & all my fuzzies! Breeder of Leu's, Mosaics, wfb, and standard grey's. Owner of www.MySugarAddiction.com
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[Re: StitchsMom]
#268097 04/22/0703:30 PM04/22/0703:30 PM
So sorry to hear of your loss. Please don't blame yourself. Accidents happen, and it is just in the nature of suggies to get into mischief and trouble...that is part of the reason we love them so much.
I'm sure if Striker was still here, he would not be upset with you; he'd be happy you gave him such a good and happy life for so long.
Our thoughts are with you
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#268129 04/22/0704:30 PM04/22/0704:30 PM
Dez, do not blame yourself. I felt the same way when Kobe was taken. If only I hadn't left him at home that night. Your own words were for me to not blame myself. My heart goes out to you. I'm so sorry you lost your baby. If you ever need to talk, please feel free to bend my ear. I'm always happy to listen.