Posted By: SugarBlossoms
Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? - 01/11/09 06:26 PM
I lost Kiwi a few hours ago....I'm so lost. I don't know what to do without her. She has been in my bra and on me since last August. She came to me after Peanut had passed in July. Kiwi was 8 1/2. She had no mate, no wheel, no toys, just a raggedy holey pouch and an old bird toy/rope in a cage with the bottom grate rusted out. She had never been on a diet, she ate whatever the people ate or fed her. She came with Giardia, HLP, roundworms and a UTI. She was near death, couldn't climb and could barely crawl. The top of her head was almost without fur.
She was soooo beautiful. She had the prettiest face I've ever seen...her eyes ... I can't begin to explain. She had so much love in her and trust. She hasn't left my side in the 5 months I've had her. When I would put her in her pouch so I could rest, she always kissed me. When I came to get her, she reached for my hand and held on so I could pick her up.
HLP...she regained the use of her limbs and was able to walk and climb some. She LOVED her little bell and would lay in her hammock playing like a kitten with it. She never did use her wheel, she didn't want to. The little bell was the only toy she loved.
She loved my rings and necklace for some reason. She always tried to "remove" my medical bracelet though...lol She didn't want it on me for some reason and would attack it.
I've spent 5 months getting her to eat...ANYTHING. She was so picky and would rather not eat than to eat something she didn't like. I worried day and night. With her illness and not eating, she lost a total of 51 grams...from 121 to 70. The vet said much of the weight she had was from the worms...and fatty foods.
As of last week, she had gone into congestive heart failure. There was nothing else we could do. I prayed anyway...day and night and night and day...I knew I didn't have long with her but still I hoped. She sub-q'd her 3 times yesterday and she seemed better and did eat some but then she vomited and got dry heaves. The first 3 weeks she was here, she had to be hand fed and or force fed. I didn't want it to come to that again and decided not to force feed this time. Yesterday, she stopped eating altogether and wouldn't even take liquids or licky's. She did kiss me once though. She wanted to be rubbed and massaged more so than usual and cried out once. I know she was hurting by then. Her breathing was more erratic than usual, she didn't have any strength left.
She only wanted to be on my chest, not in my bra this time...just over my heart. I held her there for hours, talking and petting her. She never could maintain a warm body temperature and had to have a warming disc and lots of fleece blankies when she was in her pouch. This time, she stayed warm on me without too much help. I knew she was going home then...she stared at me with those big beautiful eyes all night. I tried not to cry but I couldn't help it. I had always begged her to not leave me alone...to stay another day at least...this time was different, she was looking at me for some kind of permission..this time it was her begging me to let her go. I had to tell her she could. She went to sleep after that and took her last breath. It feels like mine went with her.
I still couldn't let her go...I kept her in my bra for about 2 hours. I just couldn't let her get cold. I finally lifted her out in her blankies ... took off my bra and wrapped her in it. It was the only place she wanted to be, her body will be laid to rest in her favorite "place".
I will ask Dr. Williams to place her beside Peanut at her home. I can't do it. I couldn't bury Peanut so Dr. W. took her to her house.
There will be no necropsy this time. Kiwi had been through enough in her life and fought the past few months. I can't and won't do it this time. I think it's plain as to why she passed...
I won't be available for the older rescues for some time now. My chest is killing me, my heart is ripped out and I feel like I just want to go be with Peanut, Isabella and Kiwi. Three precious angels I've lost since last July. I can't do it anymore...not right now...maybe not ever. I feel selfish feeling this way but I need to try and heal before I can go on with this.
I am feeling so hurt, angry and an absolute dislike for the human race right now. I can't understand how anyone could not care for these precious babies and cause them to be in this situation...and the pain those people cause the ones who would give their life for these babies.
So tell me...what am I to do without Kiwi now? She was my little buddy, my love, my constant thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams. I feel so empty...my chest is cold without her there. My soul is crying...my heart if completely broken now....I love you Kiwi. I will always love you, remember what mommy told you earlier...find Peanut and Isabella..they are with Roo...they will take care of you with Jesus until I can come home too.
God speed my precious little angel. Mommy will see you later...
She was soooo beautiful. She had the prettiest face I've ever seen...her eyes ... I can't begin to explain. She had so much love in her and trust. She hasn't left my side in the 5 months I've had her. When I would put her in her pouch so I could rest, she always kissed me. When I came to get her, she reached for my hand and held on so I could pick her up.
HLP...she regained the use of her limbs and was able to walk and climb some. She LOVED her little bell and would lay in her hammock playing like a kitten with it. She never did use her wheel, she didn't want to. The little bell was the only toy she loved.
She loved my rings and necklace for some reason. She always tried to "remove" my medical bracelet though...lol She didn't want it on me for some reason and would attack it.
I've spent 5 months getting her to eat...ANYTHING. She was so picky and would rather not eat than to eat something she didn't like. I worried day and night. With her illness and not eating, she lost a total of 51 grams...from 121 to 70. The vet said much of the weight she had was from the worms...and fatty foods.
As of last week, she had gone into congestive heart failure. There was nothing else we could do. I prayed anyway...day and night and night and day...I knew I didn't have long with her but still I hoped. She sub-q'd her 3 times yesterday and she seemed better and did eat some but then she vomited and got dry heaves. The first 3 weeks she was here, she had to be hand fed and or force fed. I didn't want it to come to that again and decided not to force feed this time. Yesterday, she stopped eating altogether and wouldn't even take liquids or licky's. She did kiss me once though. She wanted to be rubbed and massaged more so than usual and cried out once. I know she was hurting by then. Her breathing was more erratic than usual, she didn't have any strength left.
She only wanted to be on my chest, not in my bra this time...just over my heart. I held her there for hours, talking and petting her. She never could maintain a warm body temperature and had to have a warming disc and lots of fleece blankies when she was in her pouch. This time, she stayed warm on me without too much help. I knew she was going home then...she stared at me with those big beautiful eyes all night. I tried not to cry but I couldn't help it. I had always begged her to not leave me alone...to stay another day at least...this time was different, she was looking at me for some kind of permission..this time it was her begging me to let her go. I had to tell her she could. She went to sleep after that and took her last breath. It feels like mine went with her.
I still couldn't let her go...I kept her in my bra for about 2 hours. I just couldn't let her get cold. I finally lifted her out in her blankies ... took off my bra and wrapped her in it. It was the only place she wanted to be, her body will be laid to rest in her favorite "place".
I will ask Dr. Williams to place her beside Peanut at her home. I can't do it. I couldn't bury Peanut so Dr. W. took her to her house.
There will be no necropsy this time. Kiwi had been through enough in her life and fought the past few months. I can't and won't do it this time. I think it's plain as to why she passed...
I won't be available for the older rescues for some time now. My chest is killing me, my heart is ripped out and I feel like I just want to go be with Peanut, Isabella and Kiwi. Three precious angels I've lost since last July. I can't do it anymore...not right now...maybe not ever. I feel selfish feeling this way but I need to try and heal before I can go on with this.
I am feeling so hurt, angry and an absolute dislike for the human race right now. I can't understand how anyone could not care for these precious babies and cause them to be in this situation...and the pain those people cause the ones who would give their life for these babies.
So tell me...what am I to do without Kiwi now? She was my little buddy, my love, my constant thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams. I feel so empty...my chest is cold without her there. My soul is crying...my heart if completely broken now....I love you Kiwi. I will always love you, remember what mommy told you earlier...find Peanut and Isabella..they are with Roo...they will take care of you with Jesus until I can come home too.
God speed my precious little angel. Mommy will see you later...