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#1406330 - 01/07/17 08:47 AM Naked Bacon Ambush
TwoDog Offline
Glider Lover

Registered: 12/28/15
Posts: 493
Loc: Pacific NW
Been trying to get my head around this for a couple of days....got ambushed.

Traumatized? Not sure.

Guys...why do you never make bacon naked? It's an old joke...

A little backstory. The way things run aboard this ship is that the animals have pretty much free run of the house. Dogs are allowed everywhere. Gliders are not generally allowed in the garage. Everywhere else aboard the Dog House (trying that name on...) is kept glider safe.
5am is our main "supervised" playtime. Lasts until 7 or so. But afterwards the cage door stays open until about noon...allowing time for everyone to make it back into the pouch. They get lots of out time. So much out time, in fact, that I have never had to trim their nails....ever.

So,...
The other day, after playtime they were still amped up, so I left them in the main compartment and went to wrestle with task of trying to take a shower..without the shower door falling off, or my feet crushing through the shower floor into the battery compartment.

Sidebar: This RV was evidently designed by the same guy who designed all the sci-fi space ships--the guy who always put the BRIG right next to the ARMORY.
So the [censored]-weak shower floor, and all the leaky water pipes right OVER the battery compartment...by comparison, doesn't sound quite as stupid.
But by the time I'm done taking the HOTTEST shower I can stand, I'm not thinking about where the gliders are...

Turns out, that while I had been in the shower, they had all migrated to the bedroom together...and taken up discreet elevated positions around the cabin...

Im blind...have a towel over my head when ...
Was it a taser? A weed-eater? A rampaging badger!?
No...it was someone landing full-claws on my bare butt.

And so began the Naked Bacon Dance...

Unknown Glider responds to my flailing and screaming... by starting to run laps all over my nakedness...not off and away...but OVER.
Ignoring gravity, they just dig in the claws and sideways...vertically...upside down...
Over places that haven't see sunlight, much less needle sharp Glider claws...

Unknown Glider Two decides this looks like a great game, and jumps in!

I'm now gyratng and screaming...trying to catch these little assassins before they flay the skin off me...but it TICKLES too!
They won't come off! Every time I try to grab one, they RUN...setting off another another round of flailing and cursing...and laughing...all at the same time.

None of these animals has ever had their claws trimmed.

A fusillade of tiny needles of fuzzy electric pain-tickles from every direction...

Number three jumps in, and now I'm teaching the kids three doors down words their parents don't want them to know....

A complete lap seems to start at the left butt-cheek, and spiral up and around to the armpit--until the hand comes for you--then race diagonally down toward the nether regions until screaming starts. Hard right then a dodge down the inside of the right thigh, and spiral back up to the left butt-cheek...
"...Only a direct hit, will destroy the station..."

And then they were bored. Poof. I didn't not know how long the attack lasted. Maybe thirty seconds...felt like a lot longer .

As I pulled the blanket around me and curled into a fetal position, I fancied I could hear them laughing.
"Hey guys....while he's down let's get into the dog food!"
"Yeah!"
" Squeak squeak!"

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#1406332 - 01/07/17 09:16 AM Re: Naked Bacon Ambush [Re: TwoDog]
Feather Offline
Administrator

Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 12012
Loc: Wisconsin
OMG! You really needed to start that post with a warning for people with weak bladders and people that are just getting over the creeping crud and are still trying to hack up a lung.

:rofl2: :roflmao: :roflmao2: :rofl2: :roflmao: :roflmao2: :rofl2: :roflmao: :roflmao2: :rofl2: :roflmao: :roflmao2: :rofl2: :roflmao: :roflmao2:
_________________________
Kimberley
Feathers-Sweetie, Sklyar Blue, Mister Peanut, Big Mack & Ibo
Fur-Guinan, Mr. Spock, T'Mir, Micheal, Stevie, Cho & Maharet :bb: T'Pol, Elizabeth & Curzon :wfb: TY, TJ, Khayman & T'Pring :rtmo: O'Ryan :leu:
Forever in my heart, Gizmo, Tucker and the rest of my babies over the :rbridge:


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#1406333 - 01/07/17 09:23 AM Re: Naked Bacon Ambush [Re: TwoDog]
suggiebabylover Offline
Glider Explorer

Registered: 08/02/09
Posts: 283
Loc: Evanston, Il
Also be aware if you have any type of breathing problems make sure you have medicine on hand or you could cough up a lung laughing so hard.
_________________________
Mary & family
(1 cat Cleo)
21 suggies Connor Cheri Scotty Smith Wesson Rocky Xander Rory Jasmine Tony Kate Tim Abby Jenny Ducky Jimmy Jeanne Gibbs Paula Leonard Penny :bb: :wfb: :grey: :leu:

Zena Joey Tango Gabrielle Chloe Pacino gangel

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#1406334 - 01/07/17 10:23 AM Re: Naked Bacon Ambush [Re: TwoDog]
Ladymagyver Offline
Moderator

Registered: 10/07/14
Posts: 2034
Loc: SW Missouri
That's why mine get their nails clipped! The tips seem to be able to grasp at microscopic level... pores...

One evening, hubby was sitting with laptop, minding what ever online when I walked by with the girls on my shoulder and they both decided to hop off and give a face hug...

It was alarming but cute the first time...

They both proceeded back to me...

The second time I walked by was still cute but surprising...

But by the third time... Well lets just say enough was enough... I'm the only one laughing... Did I allow it to happen on purpose?... I'll never tell...

So they did get their Dad's attention, he put down the laptop, roughed both their fur up, and sweetly gave them a beard tickle kiss on the top of their head, and they scampered away... Never to do it again. The next afternoon, nail tips were clipped...
_________________________
Dawn

https://www.facebook.com/uptilldawngliders/

Inhale the future...
Exhale the past...




Fiona :grey:
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