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#218843 - 02/15/07 11:44 AM i just can't forgive myself
Anonymous
Unregistered


I recently got a new glider to be a friend to my most precious glider, Pika. Only 1 month after we got Eevee a terrible accident occurred. My friends had left and it was about 11:30. Both my girls were sleeping in their pouch under my shirt. I layed down on the couch to relax and watch tv while I waited for them to wake up. I looked down the hall and saw that all the doors were closed...i thought. The back bathroom door was cracked (we live in an old apt. so the doors are warped and sometimes pop open). I guess i fell asleep. I didn't plan on it but I woke up at 3 or so. Eevee, who is still new to us, was sitting on the couch next to me. Still thinking the doors were shut, i didnt think much of where Pika was cuz she was my exploror so its normal to hunt for her. I checked all her normal hiding places and couldn't find her. Thinking that maybe someone (roommates) left thier bedroom door open I went down the hall. Thats when i discovered the bathroom door was open. I turned on the light and she was floating in the toliet. My world crashed down on me at that point. I screamed and Josh(boyfriend) who was asleep in our room at the time came running. I can't believe this happend to my sweet girl. She was "my" glider and eevee is "josh's" glider. Really they were both of ours but they had a preference of who they liked and Pika was my baby. I feel so guilty cuz i knew this could happen and to be careful with them and bathrooms and yet...Everyday i think of her. Its extra hard b/c eevee seems to hate me. I had such a special bond with pika and eevee is nothing like her.I am giving eevee all the love and attention I gave pika but she doesnt respond to me the same. Pika was a bra baby...eevee crabs at me everytime i mess with her. Pika would let me pick her up cuddle her she would run all over me. Eevee will barely come out of the cage and when she does she just sits or runs back and forth on the couch she was placed on. I want eevee to play and cuddle with me like pika did but they are just two totally different gliders. I miss pika soooooooooooo bad. I feel like a bad mom. I was supposed to be her protector and i let this happen to her. I cant get the image out of my head. instead of thinking about her face i think of her floating. the pain is unbarable. i am extra paranoid about doors now. but it doesn't bring her back. I want to get another one but i had such a hard time finding eevee that i dont know if i can put myself through that. This actually happend a couple of weeks ago but i havent been able to even visit this site since the accident. Can someone please help me deal with the guilt and the greif. Please tell me something that will make this tragedy not as bad. Sorry this post is so long but i could go on and on about Pika. She was my best friend in a time when i really needed one. Now she is gone and its all my fault.

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#218848 - 02/15/07 11:52 AM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Keyosmama Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 2175
Loc: Ontario , Canada
I am so sorry for your loss... it truly is devastating to lose a pet to such a terrible accident.. It was an accident, please don't blame yourself... Things like this happen, and while it doesnt make any sense, you should really try and let her go. She would not want for you to compare Eevee to her nor would she want you to feel so guilty. She is now at the Rainbow Bridge playing withh all of our dear lost babies but she is waiting also for you to come and get her someday. Until then she is happy and doing all of the exploring she can!

Please also understand that Eevee is also grieving in her way for Pika and this can make her stressy and more prone to being crabby. It will help tremendously I am sure if you talk to Eevee (like you would to anyone) and Pika and how much you both miss her... You'll be surprised that she will understand and come around..

I am sending you a PM as well, I might be able to help in another way..

Amanda

_________________________
Amanda, Jeff&

A Pomchi named Wickett
A Yorkie named Meeya
A Great Dane named Berlyn
5 Cats Kamorah, Aiko, Mo, Peekaboo, & Alice
Someday Ill have more suggies... frown
2 skin kids - Xander Finlay James March6 2010, and Rohan Kingsley July 5 2011


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#218853 - 02/15/07 11:55 AM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
ValkyrieMome Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 01/13/07
Posts: 10983
Loc: Denton, TX
Oh Carrie! cry

I'm SO sorry this happened. Please forgive yourself. You can be extra vigilant and double check everything and accidents WILL happen. This wasn't your fault. Accidents happen to everyone - and you can't blame yourself.

My brother had an accident years ago with his flying squirrel, and the little one died as a result. My brother spent a long time where you are now - blaming himself for an accident. He still can't think of little Bonkers and have it be a happy memory for him - just guilt.

But it isn't right for him, or you, to live under this cloud of guilt. Pika was your special baby - and you will love again. No one will replace Pika, but you will find a way to love a new glider. Please find a way to FORCE your mind to remember the joy you had with Pika. Practice EVERY DAY remembering your happiness with her, and the happiness she helped you feel. Each time that image comes into your mind, push it out, and remember her LIFE, not her death. Find a way to let yourself smile at her memory, not grieve. It will take time.

Grief is a process. Let yourself feel the process. But sadness can be a habit, too. Try to train your mind into the habit of remembering Pika with joy, not sorrow.

Again - I'm SO sorry this happened.
hug2
_________________________
Alden
"Animals can communicate quite well. And they do. And generally speaking, they are ignored." Alice Walker


Mom to Valhalla; 6 cats; 1 macaw; 2 hedgehogs;
and very many great gliders!

(plus the 2 skin kids)
valkyriegliders.com

Kyrie, nothing will ever fill the hole you left in my heart.

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#218856 - 02/15/07 11:57 AM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: Keyosmama]
Anonymous
Unregistered


For some reason i can't view the toolbar at the top of the site so i dont know how to access my pms. i have tried to exit and log on again but it doesnt do anything????

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#218858 - 02/15/07 11:58 AM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


i am so sorry you lost your baby. we all make mistakes and we have to learn from them. it is called a accident and they happen to us every day. some are worse then others. please stop beating yourself up. sending you love and hugs.

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#218859 - 02/15/07 11:58 AM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


thankyou for your response. I know i need to move on. Its hard i guess b/c she was my first glider but i know she is okay now. i just really really loved her.

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#218860 - 02/15/07 12:00 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Keyosmama Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 2175
Loc: Ontario , Canada
you dont see a flashing envelope at the top??
_________________________
Amanda, Jeff&

A Pomchi named Wickett
A Yorkie named Meeya
A Great Dane named Berlyn
5 Cats Kamorah, Aiko, Mo, Peekaboo, & Alice
Someday Ill have more suggies... frown
2 skin kids - Xander Finlay James March6 2010, and Rohan Kingsley July 5 2011


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#218863 - 02/15/07 12:04 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
ValkyrieMome Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 01/13/07
Posts: 10983
Loc: Denton, TX
If you've been gone a while, you might have not logged on since there was a site upgrade.

You may need to clean out your browser cache, and then shut down your browser, then come back to GC. This may help with your PMs.
_________________________
Alden
"Animals can communicate quite well. And they do. And generally speaking, they are ignored." Alice Walker


Mom to Valhalla; 6 cats; 1 macaw; 2 hedgehogs;
and very many great gliders!

(plus the 2 skin kids)
valkyriegliders.com

Kyrie, nothing will ever fill the hole you left in my heart.

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#218867 - 02/15/07 12:09 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ValkyrieMome]
Keyosmama Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 2175
Loc: Ontario , Canada
..let me know if u got my pm... If and when you get it...

LOL

_________________________
Amanda, Jeff&

A Pomchi named Wickett
A Yorkie named Meeya
A Great Dane named Berlyn
5 Cats Kamorah, Aiko, Mo, Peekaboo, & Alice
Someday Ill have more suggies... frown
2 skin kids - Xander Finlay James March6 2010, and Rohan Kingsley July 5 2011


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#218871 - 02/15/07 12:16 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: Keyosmama]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I cleared the history for like the last 30 days but i still cant see the top tool bar or the box about Tom Havens..everything else is there but not those options at the top where you can click on PM

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#218873 - 02/15/07 12:18 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Keyosmama Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 04/13/05
Posts: 2175
Loc: Ontario , Canada
carrie give me ur email.. ill email you.

lol
amanda
_________________________
Amanda, Jeff&

A Pomchi named Wickett
A Yorkie named Meeya
A Great Dane named Berlyn
5 Cats Kamorah, Aiko, Mo, Peekaboo, & Alice
Someday Ill have more suggies... frown
2 skin kids - Xander Finlay James March6 2010, and Rohan Kingsley July 5 2011


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#218877 - 02/15/07 12:26 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: Keyosmama]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Keyosmamma...by guessing where on the toolbar i thought it might be i was able to get the drop down box to come up and I returned your message! Yay...still dont see the option but i know where about to click to get to see my messages. let me know what you think smile

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#218882 - 02/15/07 12:32 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
RSXTC Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 02/27/06
Posts: 1486
Loc: Albany, NY
Awww! How sad. hug2 upset

I'm so sorry about your poor little Pika. I hope that you are able to continue giving lots of love and attention to Eevee, so that she will learn to love trust you and come to fill the void that Pika left.

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#218899 - 02/15/07 12:55 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I am so sorry this has happened. As much as we all try to prevent them accidents do happen....and it was just that, an accident. Please don't blame yourself. hug2

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#218905 - 02/15/07 01:02 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
BeckiT Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 09/29/06
Posts: 16083
Loc: Manitowoc, WI
I'm so sorry Carrie cry please don't blame yourself, accidents happen, even to the best moms and dads hug2
_________________________
~Becki & Crew~
Glidin' High Sugar Gliders
So You Want to Own a Sugar Glider? Read and Share wink

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#218921 - 02/15/07 01:48 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: BeckiT]
Kitkatt1216 Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 10/28/06
Posts: 1763
Loc: Connecticut
Accidents happen. I know the grief of the loss of a pet, and I am sorry you have to feel it. Time will heal it, and Evee will come around to you when she is done grieving herself.
_________________________
Katrina
Owned by Murphy and Peanut

**RIP My loves Amunet, MiaKoda, and Kieko**

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#218923 - 02/15/07 01:50 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Gossamer Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 11/22/06
Posts: 1667
Loc: Long Island, NY
I'm so sorry this happened to you. I've read that it can happen, but I never actually heard of someone this happened to. I will have to be more diligent with my bathroom. And please don't blame yourself - it was an accident.
_________________________
Jeannine

3 Cats (Spike, Kismet, Honeycat)
1 understanding Husband
1 WFB Neutered Glider boy - Grissom! (oop 8/7/06) :wfb:
1 BB Glider girl- Willows! (oop 1/7/07) :bb:

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#218927 - 02/15/07 01:54 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: Gossamer]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thanks to everyone who posted. It really truely helps to hear these words from you. I thought that it would hurt more to post on GC about what happened but I am glad to find that it's the exact opposite. I do not feel so alone knowing that all yall care enough to give me your time to post words of encouragement. Thankyou so very much. smile

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#218961 - 02/15/07 02:43 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
silverwolf Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 1732
Loc: Utah
Just to let you know I'm sorry for your loss but the others are right accidents happen its part of life. The time it gets worse is when you dont learn anything. To many people try nowdays to make it so accidents never happen and once that occurs life stops also because you are always afraid of the what if's so remember her in a happy way and remember that she would want you to keep living and loving her.

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#218966 - 02/15/07 02:49 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: silverwolf]
ValkyrieMome Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 01/13/07
Posts: 10983
Loc: Denton, TX
Silverwolf - in today's world when accidents happen, everyone seems to want to make it someone else's fault -- thus the over-abundance of law suits!

Sometimes accidents happen and NO ONE's at fault! (including you, Carrie!) You can sit all day and say "I should have done this" or "I could have done that."

When I would get a particularly bad case of 20/20 hindsight, my grandmother used to say, "We aren't playin' 'shoulda's'" It was her way of encouraging me to stop second guessing and just let it go.
_________________________
Alden
"Animals can communicate quite well. And they do. And generally speaking, they are ignored." Alice Walker


Mom to Valhalla; 6 cats; 1 macaw; 2 hedgehogs;
and very many great gliders!

(plus the 2 skin kids)
valkyriegliders.com

Kyrie, nothing will ever fill the hole you left in my heart.

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#219165 - 02/15/07 08:42 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ValkyrieMome]
Mel2mdl Offline
Glider Addict

Registered: 07/20/06
Posts: 4212
Loc: Garland, TX
How awful - don't blame yourself Carrie. Accidents are accidents, they can happen to anybody. We try our best to protect our love ones, but some things really are beyond our control, be it a car accident or a sticky door. Evee will come around - she's lonely too.
_________________________
Molly, son & husband:

Chairman Meow
Oscar & Thomas
Sam, Diego, Delilah, Delia :wfb:
Nevada, Noel
Marcel, Dakota, Latte
Dexter, Didi, Almond, Joy and Fitz
:grey:
Karl,Lenny,Jynxie,Chamille, Kee & Mr. Beans in my heart forever.
Teaching teenagers-part joy, part guerilla warfare! :rbridge:

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#219220 - 02/15/07 10:35 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: Mel2mdl]
Anonymous
Unregistered


oh i am so terribly sorry for your loss. i do hope you can find the closure you are looking for, and eevee will come around it'll just take some time and lots of love.

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#219232 - 02/15/07 11:06 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
KattyM Offline
Serious Glideritis

Registered: 12/24/02
Posts: 9910
Loc: Phoenix, AZ
Carrie, I'm so sorry for your loss of little Pika. It was an accident; you're not to blame. One small comfort you can perhaps take is that we can all learn from this. For some, it's a wake-up call to glider proof as much as possible, including keeping the toilet seats down or putting little ladders in the toilet bowl. For others, it's a reminder to be more diligent. But even when we try our best, accidents still happen.

Don't give up on little Eevee. She is grieving in her own way, too, and needs extra love and comforting.

I pray that you can release your guilt and remember only the joy and love you shared with Pika. hug2
_________________________
Owned by my :grey: "Eight is Enough" colony:

2003: Hiroshi (M)
2009: Herbie (M)

:rbridge:
2002-2004: Keiko (F) and baby Tomoki (M)
2009: Sammy (F), Charlie (F), Murray (M)
2010: BJ (M)
My gallery

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#219384 - 02/16/07 09:38 AM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: KattyM]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I think that everyone who posted here had a lot of great things to say. I believe, like alot of yall have already said, that this is something to learn from. That was my main motivation in posting this. I want everyone to know that this is a very real thing that can happen and to be extra safe. By telling her story hopefully i saved at least one glider from falling victim. I really liked the idea of putting little ladders in the toilet bowl for a just in case situation( good idea KattyM)!! I truely feel much better now that i have gotten feedback from yall. Glider Central is a great community of people who truely care for the gliders and their owners. I do not know what i would do without yall. Thanks

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#247282 - 03/29/07 02:30 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Carrie my heart goes out to you at your time of loss..I too had lost my sweet sweet sweetpea she was my first glider. She was such and angel. My daughter had got a male glider named meeko and meeko had a sister and Malia my daughter thought it would do me a world of good to have a glider too so that brother and sister wouldn't have to be seperated. This was November 05 I must back up a year and say I lost my 2very close friends 1 close father-in-law, my MOM and son who just turned 27 all this happened in one year...back to the gliders that is Y malia thought it would be great for me to have something to have so close and to love again. So that is how we got meeko and sweetpea..well one day I got sweetpea out of her cage and put her in my bedroom which was glidersafe or so I thought..I had to clean her cage so that is why she was out and in my room. Anyway, I put her in a little pouch and put her on the top of my closet. I had had the door closed but then I got distracted with company and then my girlfriend called and asked if I wanted to go shopping forgetting all about sweetpea thinking she was safe behind closed doors I left with my friend. When I returned home I saw that I had left my door to my room open and so I dropped everything and ran to check on sweetpea...well she wasn't in her pouch she had woke up and was somewhere in my room I thought...I screamed for malia to come help me find her I was frantically searching for her everywhere....malia had looked out the window in time to see my cat campy have sweetpea in his mouth running across the yard....my heart sank..my world came crashing in around me as I ran out the door after my cat...she was still warm when I retrieved her..I cried and felt just as bad as the morining I found out my son was dying..I thought I was going to die right there I wanted to die she trusted me to take care of her and I failed her in everyway....So I know how you felt when you found pika and I know we are not alone accidents happen. I survived and learned to be more careful of our other gliders..They are so loving and have helped my heart heal..What really helped me was the prayer about the rainbow bridge..When I think of sweetpea now I know she is happy and gliding with all the other gliders who have crossed over the rainbow bridge..Time does heal but you will never forget..that is a good thing I think of all the times sweetpea was stretched out on my chest sleeping and the way she used to sit on my shoulder and eat a mealie. I am so glad that I have all my gliders. I have lost a couple of joeys but that is another story..All I know is that these little critters saved me from sorrow and that they depend on me to take care in taking care of them...Pika is in such a beautiful place now and she is watching over you...and will always be there just a thought away...I didn't think I could love another glider like I did sweetpea but now I have 5 who are my pride and joy...and as for the cat I still have him..it wasn't his fault although I wanted to get rid of him..he depends on me too for love and affection..Thank you for taking the time to read this I know it was long..it is the longest thing I have written since December of 04.

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#247317 - 03/29/07 02:47 PM Re: i just can't forgive myself [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm sooo sorry for your loss sweetie. Take it from someone who knows, no matter how careful you are, and how many times you check cage doors, toilets, doors, whatever it might be, accidents WILL STILL HAPPEN. I have learned to be even more careful, even though I didn't think that was possible it was. Nothing we say is going to make the hurt go away, only time will heal. Just know we're here for you if you ever want to talk, vent, yell, scream, cry, whatever it might be, we're here. *HUGZ* Also remember this one very important thing that everyone's already said---Accidents happen no matter how careful we are. And accidents are just that, accidents, not someone's fault. Even though the guilt is unbearable, you didn't do this on purpose, nor did you ask for this to happen. It's not your fault. Time will help with the pain. Another lesson has been learned, the rest of us, and you I'm sure, will be watching things extra close and will be more cautious. I'm sure your story will help and save more than you know.

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