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#3887 - 09/09/02 08:10 PM Love
Anonymous
Unregistered


Let me start by saying that I am not Phil. My name is Tracy and I am Phil's wife. For some reason I have never registered here, I have alawys just sat back and followed along with Phil. As I sit here my grief is raw and my pain is unbearable. Sam has just died in Phil's hand. As everyone here knows both Sam and Mary had MBD due to a lack of sufficent calcium in their diet. Sam had lost a lot of weight and it was just too much for his little body to handle. He lost his appetite over the weekend and no matter what we offered or tried he just would not eat. Today things took a turn for the worse and he threw up and started having seizures again. We have called, e-mailed and visited every person we could think of for help. There is so very little known, everyone was so kind and tried to do all they could but it was not meant to be. As I sit here I keep thinking Did he know how much he meant to me? Did he know how very much he was loved? I am sure he was frightened and in pain but did he realize his was in the hands of someone who felt that pain with him?
Sam was so tiny, so perfect and so innocent. He did not deserve this. I know that life can be harsh and cruel. I know that little babies are born into this world just to die, I work in a industry that provides for premature babies every day and I know that sometimes bad things happen to the most innocent of all God's creatures. I just don't understand why. My pain is nothing next to what he went through. I would gladly have suffered for him if I could. The absolute worse part is that I was not with him when he passed. I new something was wrong, bad wrong. Phil wanted to try feeding him or at least work to get some liquids in him and I could not bear to watch. I took the cowards way out and went out into the back yard to pull myself together. I told myself that I had had a stressful day and that I would come inside in a few minutes and be able to face what we needed to try to do. Phil met me out there with a look of such pain and regret I will never forget. My son was helping him at the time and for once he was absolutely silent. I knew immediately what was wrong. I feel so guilty for not being there at the end. I selfishly tried to ease my own pain and was not with him when he needed my love and support the most. It will be a long time before I can come to terms with and accept that.
The only bright side is that Mary seems to be responding to treatment well. Her appetite is up and she has a little more energy than she did a few days ago. All our love and attention will be bent towards her recovery now.
This may not be the right place to post this but I want to tell everyone to remember to show the people and the animals in your life just how much you care every chance you get. You can never love too much. You can never show it enough. It can all be over so fast and you think you have time to tell them again but all of a sudden you don't. Do not miss a single opportunity to show how much you care. Pat your dog on the head, throw him a ball, cuddle with your glider, tell your kids how proud of them you are. You may not get another chance. Love is the most profound emotion of all, a baby giraffe will die without it's mother's love. Are any of us really any different? Love can pick you up when you are down, make a sunny day a little brighter. It can ease the most broken hearts, I know. Phil has done everything he can to ease mine. He is taking this hard as well and I find some comfort in knowing that I am not going through this alone. So many of my day to day friends just will not understand. They don't understand that Sam was not just a pet. He was love itself wrapped up in a furry package. He loved me without question, he never complained about the things I did, the books I read, or the music I listened to with him. He accepted me despite all my faults and trusted me to take care of him. I feel like I have failed him so badly. He was so innocent and small, he could not take care of himself. That was my responsibility.
I'm going to call my grandmother now. I need to tell her how much I love her. I don't ever want to look back at another relationship and wonder if someone knew how much they meant to me. Tell everyone in your life how much you care. Hug your children and tell your parents you appreciate all they have done for you. Tell your husband or your wife they are the light of your life. If it comes from the heart you will never regret it. Let Sam be a lesson to everyone that while love alone is not enough to hold you to this life, it can ease the journey. It can't heal every ill, but it doesn't care, it never gives up till the end. Sam taught me how to be gentle and quite and earn trust and devotion, he taught me that size means nothing compared to what is in your heart. I will miss him until the day I too pass away but hopefully after some time I will remember him as he was before, not at the end. Scampering up my arm, pawing through the pony tail I always keep my hair in. Snuggling up in my pocket or next to Mary.
Finally thanks to everyone who replied to Phil's post when we first found out what was going wrong. Your support and advice was and is truly appreciated.
Tracy Redwine

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#3888 - 09/09/02 08:17 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Tracey and Phil,
While I have not lost a glider, I have lost several beloved pets. You wrote a very touching post and I am sure that Sam knew how very much you loved him. He will be waiting for you when you cross the Rainbow Bridge and will tell you, "hi mom, let's go", give you big glider cuddles and laugh. You are in my prayers, please take comfort in knowing that you did all you possibly could do and that he wasn't alone with he passed.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Chey

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#3889 - 09/09/02 08:53 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


There will be extra hugs for everyone at my house tonight.
After I am done crying.

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#3890 - 09/09/02 09:21 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Ellen Offline
Owner:Emeritus-Mother Hen

Registered: 08/05/99
Posts: 7603
Loc: Virginia Beach, VA.
Tracy and Phil,
I cannot find the words to even say to you. My heart is broken. I have no words of wisdom and to say I am sorry seems so shallow to me. I am more than sorry. I am sorry for your loss and sorry that Sam went through what he did. But through all of that I am sure no glider alive now or ever knew how much he was loved.

After loosing my glider(s) a year ago and a few since I have never stopped hurting for those who have suffered the same loss. It's one the heart does not repair so quickly.

But Tracy and Phil, after a year now, I can and do look back and see all of them as they were when they were happy and alive. I often wonder if that is God's way of healing our hearts and or the love we shared with our little ones.

Love does heal. You love Sam. Let him in time help you heal. He will. His ever present love and memories of him will soon take over the defient pain you are feeling now.

Thank you for being so brave. It was something I could not do. And yes I have touched and felt and told every creature I have in this house that I love them since I read your post.

Now you and Phil tell each other I love you. Because there is not a person on this board that doesnt love you for who and what you are.

Take solice my friends in the name of LOVE.
_________________________
Love and kindness is a gift. Use it freely....
My Gallery

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#3891 - 09/09/02 09:29 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
remo Offline
Glider Guardian

Registered: 03/13/01
Posts: 1191
Loc: San Antonio, Texas
Very nicely put. Life and love are so precious. <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" />

Dorothy <img border="0" alt="dance" title="" src="graemlins/dance.gif" /> , Bandit <img border="0" alt="glider" title="" src="graemlins/littleglider.gif" /> , and Gypsy <img border="0" alt="glider" title="" src="graemlins/littleglider.gif" />
_________________________
Dorothy, Falk, and Prissy

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#3892 - 09/09/02 09:56 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I am left speechless by your beautiful words of wisdom as well as by the impact of your loss. My thoughts are with you both right now. I wish I could say something profound to ease your pain, but only time can do that.

Thank you for sharing what is an extremely difficult time in your lives. And take comfort in the fact that you may very well have saved many more gliders lives.

Prayers for Mary's speedy and full recovery...

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#3893 - 09/09/02 10:00 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


I will definatly tell everyone and everything how much I care. Thank you for posting this, and im sorry your glider died, may your heart heal soon. <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Glider Angel]" title="" src="graemlins/gliderangel.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" />

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#3894 - 09/09/02 10:01 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Karin Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 09/06/01
Posts: 11583
Loc: Sycamore Illinois
Tracy,

What a beautiful and inspriring post you have shared in the midst of your pain. May time heal your wounds, and love be your guide until you meet Sam again.

Karin
_________________________
Miss Lily and Bud
Prada and Armani
Tessa, Deuce and Cami

Tira and Misu angel Deja and Vu

Glider Daydreams



"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass...It is about learning to
dance in the rain!"

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#3895 - 09/09/02 10:31 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
BeetleJuice Offline
Glider Addict

Registered: 12/12/01
Posts: 2724
Loc: Summerville, SC
Tracy and Phil,

I am so sorry for your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you. Please let us know how Mary's recovery progresses.
_________________________
Craig

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#3896 - 09/10/02 02:40 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


i too am so sorry for your loss. you and mary will be in my thoughts and prayers. <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" />

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#3897 - 09/10/02 05:57 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Good bye Sam I will love you with all my heart until the day I die. I don't know what to say except that I am so sorry for letting you down and I wish I could have taken your pain for you.
I feel so guilty for what has happenned to you and I will never forgive myself for what I have done to you and Mary. I only wish that I had caught the problem in time but I didn't and you're gone. I love you and miss you so much but I am also so glad that you aren't hurting anymore.
Mary is doing so much better and I believe that she will be fine but despite this making me feel good it also makes me feel so bad that you couldn't make it too. It's almost as if fate wasn't going to let both of you make it and you went in her place. My thoughts will always be filled with you as will my heart and I will never forget you. You were so much more than a pet you were like my child and when you died in my hands so did a part of me. I have never in my life hurt so bad inside and I am truly sorry buddy. Rest well little bud and please know that I never meant you any harm and I tried everything I could.
I'm sorry if the pic is upsetting to anyone but I just had to see him one last time before he was gone. Good bye Sam I love you and always will.
Phil
<img src="http://redwineexotics.com/Sam_9-10-02_sm.jpg" alt=" - " />

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#3898 - 09/10/02 06:47 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Tracy
I am so very sorry for the pain you are feeling and I wish I could hurt for you. I feel as if I caused this and I so deeply regret it. I tried everything I knew how and it just wasn't enough.
When he stopped breathing in my hands and I tried desperately but in vain to save him not only was the worst thing I could imagine happenning but Mike was right there watching it all crying and begging for him not to go. A large part of me died then with Sam and even though he stayed with you during the day while Mary stayed with me I loved him just as much and it truly ripped my soul in half when he passed away on me. Bringing him to you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I love you and I am sorry baby.
I knew that I wanted him to rest on the land that Grandma gave me and I tried to choose a spot where as you put it last night the sky was blue and the trees had a gentle breeze blowing through them. I chose a spot below this tree for him where the sun was shining through on the ground underneath it. I felt as if he would like it. I wasn't able to protect him in life but I promise you and Sam both that I will protect his resting site forever and his tree will remain just as beautiful and innocent as he was forever. I feel that it is the least I can do for him. I am not going to let his death be in vain either as if I'm able to bring Mary back around from this you can rest assurred that a mistake made from lack of knowledge will never happen again on my shift ever. I'm sorry for you and Mike and I'm sorry for Mary having to feel bad as well. But most of all I'm sorry Sam. I truly love you little buddy. I hope you like your tree and I promise you will never be forgotten. Rest easy little bud I love you.
Phil
<img src="http://redwineexotics.com/Sams_tree_9-9-02-1_sm.jpg" alt=" - " />

<small>[ 09-11-2002, 06:38 PM: Message edited by: Phil ]</small>

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#3899 - 09/10/02 06:51 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Phil and Tracy,

I just wanted to say my heart goes out to you <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" /> . I am so very sorry about Sam. Your love for him is so strong and clear. Your messages are beautiful. Please don't blame yourself. Love little Mary as much as you can, and may she grow stronger each day.

You are all in my thoughts... <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" />

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#3900 - 09/11/02 12:33 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Words are failing me at this time......tears are streaming down my face.................

Phil & Tracy........you both have opened up your hearts completely.......bared your grief without reservation.......such love <img border="0" alt="heart" title="" src="graemlins/heartpump.gif" /> you show.........it is an honor to read your loving tribute to Sam...............

Even though you do not feel this.........I believe that Sam was the luckiest little glider ever to have such Good Humans love him so deeply.

Thank You both from the bottom of my heart for entrusting your hearts to the caring people on this message board.......we will hold your hearts gently....................

*sigh*.......wish there were some magic words to make your pain disappear.......but there are none & for that I am truly sorry.

I hope & pray that Mary will get stronger & better with each passing day.

Will be keeping you in my heart & my thoughts.

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#3901 - 09/11/02 05:42 PM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Tracy asked me to thank everyone for the very kind and understanding posts and I want to thank you as well. It truly means a lot. I'll post an update on Marys progress tomorrow after seeing the vet again. Again thank you all.
Phil

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#3902 - 09/12/02 01:28 AM Re: Love [Re: ]
Anonymous
Unregistered


Thanks to you two for sharing your pain with all of us. Sometimes people don't understand the love we have for our pets. I think the people on this board truly understands the way you are feeling. Thanks for coming to us and we are sending you hugs.
Steph

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