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#608510 - 08/10/08 12:15 AM Bonding not going well

So I've had my girl for almost 3 months and I dont think bonding is going good at all. For one thing, the only way I can get her out of her cage is if she is in her bonding pouch and I know she hates that because she crabs alot when I first take her out and it doesnt matter what time of day it is she wakes up like instantley so it makes day bonding hard because all I get are crabs. And during tent time she will be playing and if I start to talk to her or put my hand by her she freaks and runs to her pouch. Its really getting frustrating. I know it takes time but I'm getting tempted to either get another glider so I dont have to take her out as much (which cant happen with my living situation) or to give her to this friend I know who has a boy and is looking to get a girl. I think its just easy to get discouraged when you like something alot more than it likes you. I guess on the positive though is that she isnt aggressive so I dont have to deal with mean bites. So, any words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated.

#608521 - 08/10/08 12:29 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]
LSardou Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 21060
Loc: Kansas
hug2 I'm sorry to hear that your having a difficult time with your little one. Please don't get discouraged and try not to get overly anxious. For some gliders it just takes longer for them to gain trust. If you can step back a little, and start over with just offering her treats while she is up in her cage. She needs to 'learn' that your not her enemy, and that all your trying to do is love her. Remember, there little ones are highly sensitive and emotional, so the more stressed you become the more she will become in addition to developing a deeper fear.
If you remain calm and persistent in a routine with her, you will be amazed at how quickly she will turn around.
Again, don't try to pick her up or take her out of her cage for about a week. Routinely offer her licky treats (something that she can lick from your finger) coax her to come to you...gliders do much better when they make the first move.....sit next to her cage and quietly talk to her...all of these little things will make a huge difference later on.

#608526 - 08/10/08 12:36 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: LSardou]

That sounds like a really good idea but since I only have one I get paranoid that if she doesnt actually come out that she is going to get depressed alot easier. Whats your take on that? Would she be ok if for a couple of days I didnt take her out in her pouch and just interact with her while she is in her cage? Its also hard to because if i let her wake up on her own, she doesnt get up until like midnight. Maybe when i get home from work at 6pm I can feed her right away and talk and pet her a little bit and that will encourage her to come out.

#608532 - 08/10/08 12:42 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]
LSardou Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 03/01/06
Posts: 21060
Loc: Kansas
Do you have a 'bonding pouch' or a 'sissy pouch'?
You might want to try and put her into one of those and start carrying her around with you more often. I know you said that she crabs, but once she starts to get used to being carried around she should settle down.
I agree with your offering her some treats when you get home at 6 do this for the next week. Then the following week try and get her into a sissy or bonding pouch for at least 10 minutes at a time (that's only if she is crabbing and fussing) if she's not.... clap you can carry her around for as long as you want for the evening. While she is in the pouch (soon after you've gotten her in) immediately offer her a treat (mealie worms work the best for bribery)...all gliders accept bribery grin

#608533 - 08/10/08 12:44 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

I think it would be a great idea to get her a glider friend!

My first glider I brought home, Kirby, was very shy...pretty much petrified. He didn't play with me much at playtime until I brought home the much-braver Tanooki, and she showed him that humans are really OK smile

Gliders that are living on their own can be more prone to depression. But at the same time you have to go at her pace like Linda recommended. I don't see harm in just trying to give her treats through the cage bars for a few days so she warms up to interacting with your hand.

It's unlikely you will get her really awake at 6pm. You can feed her treats in the bonding pouch, but unless you gradually start getting her up earlier and earlier in small increments (you can train your glider to get up earlier by doing this), she is unlikely to be really active at this tiem all of a sudden if she usually gets up at midnight. But you could slowly adjust her schedule.

Hope this helps!

#608539 - 08/10/08 12:55 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

It helps alot, and gives me a little more hope. I have a bonding pouch with a zipper and a little mesh window and one that does not have a zipper. Ok, so do you guys use separate pouches? Do you have a separate like sleeping pouch from the bonding pouch? How would you transfer a glider from a sleeping pouch to a bonding pouch? I think if I tried a transfer like that it would not go well. I live in an apartment still and I've already had someone complain that they could hear her! The first couple nights we had her she made alot of noise and was very loud (i think she missed her friends) and now since we've had her she is very quiet at night. I only hear her sometimes and the crabbing is never loud enough to hear through walls. I think if I got another glider that they would be too loud at night. I understand now that that probably wasnt a smart decision on my part to get something that could wake up neighbors but i never realized that they were that loud.

#608556 - 08/10/08 02:16 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]
cbddallas Offline
Glider Lover

Registered: 03/26/08
Posts: 625
Loc: Dallas, Texas
I agree that she might be more relaxed if you got a second glider that is more receptive to people, to teach her that humans can be fun to interact with - I know that made all the difference with my female. Also, I found that the barking at night is a lot less with two - sometimes they squabble at each other, but hardly ever bark. Does she have a wheel? That would give her something to do if you think she's bored or depressed. Have you tried a feather teaser during tent time? my female has nevr been able to resist that - even when I first got her & she was still really shy. How old is your glider and what other gliders was she with before?
Cindy, Wife to Dee and Mom to:
two beautiful daughters, Kendall & Reagan,
one handsome son, Dee IV,
one silly American Eskimo, Jasmine,
and our four gliders, the "big kids", aka Bella & Beau, and "the babies" Kandy & Kane, from Cora!

#608677 - 08/10/08 12:02 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: cbddallas]

Yes she has one of those wodent wheels, she absolutely loves it too. Yes i also have a feather teaser, that has actually helped me to get her to come out of her pouch on many occassions. My glider is about like 5 months and I'm not sure what her situation was like before I got her. I think I might try and get a hold of the guy I baught her from. Yea but with my luck I would get a second glider and it would do the opposite of what I want. Peanut is so much work at the moment that I think another one would get overwhelming.

#608703 - 08/10/08 12:34 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

It does take time...and it is best to go at her pace. Have you added a scent blankie to her pouch? Something with your scent on helps her get used to your scent.

#609077 - 08/10/08 10:46 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

Well, it is really best to start bonding with them starting at eight weeks... that's the time they are most "bondable"
But anyway... a couple of things i have learned that really comfort my babies are A) when the start to crab cause they are scared flatten your hand out and push down on them firmly... It makes mine quiet down instantly because it reminds them of the saftey of their mother's pouch... when they get scared all they want is warm, tight, and dark! Its better if you can have one hand under and one over the baby and just firmly press down untill you think it is comforted and it begins to cease the squalling.

B)Assosiate your hands with POSITIVE, GOOD things... Just put yourself in their position, they're scared, and your hand seems huge! So, let them just smell you for minutes at a time ater you calm them down and give them treats. like apples... apples are my female's favourite treat... She can't resist blueberry yougurt either... so let her lick it off your fingers...

The ultimate thing here is TRUST... and when they start to associate your hands with all these good things, it'll get easier.

As far as night time niose goes... Sugar gliders [for whatever reason] can't resist unting knots. Thicker ropes work best... but i put a couple knots in a 3 foot rope and stick it in there at night it keeps them pretty busy... they still like to chase each other around and pester eachother, but its not as bad on the barking and crabbing.

As far as using the bonding pouches all you need is one... Just put one in it in the morning, or whenever possible, calm her down and let her be in there... put a slice of apple in there so she has somethinng to drink/eat and let her be for as long as you have time to hold her in there... its okay even to keep them in there for up to like 10 hours... mine never really pee or poo in their pouches... most gliders never go potty where they seep...

mine alwats fall asleep... when they're sleep is one of the best times that they spend bonding with you in the beginning cause they do nothing but smell your scent the ENTIRE time!!! it's really brilliant. oh and while they're in the pouch [if its one of the ones that can hang around your neck] try to put it inside your shirt... i know it seems weird but the best thing is to get the glider as close o your skin as possible!

another thing to do after she gets use to that is to put on two shirts... tuck them both in your pants nice and tight... then put your glider inbetween them... this is like taking the bonding pouch to the next step... it is a lot bigger space, and a lit more intamate with your baby... it really is helping mine bond to me very very well...they'll be running around all over in there... they'll love it!

Well i guess that is all for now... hope i can help you!!!

Good luck -KIMBER-

Edited by Case183aKIMBER (08/10/08 10:52 PM)

#609102 - 08/10/08 11:16 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

Really having 2 gliders isn't any more work (or necessarily any more noise) than having just one. My gliders were happier and more well adjusted once they were introduced and together.

Could the new glider you bring home be more noisy? Possibly. Some gliders like to bark more than others.

But IMHO, you need to take what's best for your pet into consideration too. Lone gliders can become depressed, as you know, and as you are witnessing, sometimes lone gliders can be so stressed without the company of other gliders it's hard for them to bond. In my humble opinion I think your glider AND you would be more happy if you can do an introduction. While intros are never a guarantee and can be stressful in themselves, I'm betting your glider will be happier and less stressed, and I'm betting bonding will be easier.

Also, you CAN use a zippered pouch to double as a bonding pouch and sleeping pouch. I used to do this with my gliders all the time when they were new.

Did you say your girl was crabbing by herself at night, or did I misread this? That greatly concerns me...if she is doing this, keep a very close eye on her. Usually gliders crab to say "GO AWAY!" or "I'M SCARED," not typically by themselves.

#609261 - 08/11/08 04:11 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]
chattrbabe Offline
Glider Addict

Registered: 08/10/08
Posts: 4108
Loc: Phoenix AZ
I have a female that I am working with. I have to do tons of small meal worms and licky treats. =) Tent time - It's ALWAYS quiet. And I make sure to put a blanket on the floor of the tent so she doesnt freak out if I move. Lol.

#609450 - 08/11/08 12:40 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

First, I am NO expert. I just read a lot, and know someone who has gliders. I dont even have one (Yet).

I understand your situtation with living in an apartment, and yes, Gliders can be rowdy. My mother in law had a male glider..And I loved it so much, she thought it would be nice to get me one, a female. Well, the female was incredibly wild...And would jump around like a maniac and crab and bite and attack anyone who got close to her. I must admit, I was kinda scared. But, we put the male and female together. She still bites if she doesnt know you well, but she doesnt crab anymore as long as shes with the male. the problem with getting another glider, is your going to have to try and get a tame one who likes people. If so, this could help a LOT. Don't get stressed out about it, though. Animal's can sense thing's like that. Just take things slow with the little one =)

Also, have you covered the cage up on the side your neighbors are on? Using a thick fabric could help. Unless you have neighbors on both sides, then...=P

Good luck!

#611441 - 08/13/08 07:28 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

wow, thanks for all the help! I've never heard Peanut crab when she is alone, only when Im picking her up or waking her up smile. For the past couple days I've been leaving her in her cage and just talking to her and giving her treats and last night I took her out in her pouch. She didnt crab once! She came out after like an hour with the help of my feather teaser and she let me pet her. When I woke up in the morning and opened the cage she came out. She didnt let me really touch her, I had to just coax her back in but she's never really done that before.

I think i will try putting something with my scent on it in the pouch. I always wear the same shirt when I take her out and that is always sitting on the cage so she always has that to smell to.

Yes I do have neighbors on both sides but the neighbors next to our bedroom cant hear it because I can barely hear it at night.

I'll think about getting another glider but I'm not sure where? I defiently wouldnt go back to the guy I got Peanut from.
Thanks again to everyone. I appreciate the encouragement!

#611497 - 08/13/08 08:33 PM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

I keep a shirt on top of my boys' cage as well. It does take time...just be patient!!! I talk very sweetly when I take their pouch out for playtime. Anytime I go up to their cage I talk to talk!! LOL I know it sounds crazy, but I have had them for a little over a month and they have only crabbed at me 3 times.

#613554 - 08/16/08 11:46 AM Re: Bonding not going well [Re: ]

Kim, you have received some great information here. I am thinking that your baby MIGHT be going through her teenage years. I know that my Maisie is a little over 6 months old and she is a pistol right now. She is nippy, tells me no, when I stop her from doing what she wants. She is defiant, continues to go right back to what I just stopped her from doing, etc. Maisie was hand raised by me after she had to be pulled from her mother. The teenage period can be a tough one. Where there is patients and understanding, there is hope.

1. I would continue to wear the same shirt with her when you restart play time. Wear the shirt, next to your skin, for at least an hour every day, before you shower, otherwise, keep it on her cage.

2. Take a few of her small blankets out of her pouch, you sleep with 2-3 each night and put in her pouch each morning. This will get her smell and your smell all mixed together for her sensitive nose. For gliders to accept you, they have to be used to your smell and smell like you.

3. Continue to offer her licky treats / treats. She will begin to associate your hands with good yummy things. Gradually start to pet her while she is eating the treats.

4. Be very strict with the routine with your baby. bonding pouch time, tent time, back in cage time, feeding time, treat time, anything you do for your baby, be very routine about it. She will learn the routine.

5. Talk to your baby. Baby talk, say the same phrases, do the glider click, click, click. Again, be very routine.

6. Sleep where she can watch you sleeping. I can not remember where I read this. We(humans) are not as much of a predator threat if our gliders watch us sleep.

I was asked, "How would you feel if you were picked up by this predator that was 1,000 times your size? You could not talk to this predator. Is this predator going to eat me? Why did this predator take me away from everyone that I can talk to? I am all alone, I have no one to play with, no one to eat with, no one to talk to, no one to cuddle with when I sleep. How would you feel?" I am not trying to talk you into getting a second glider. I am only helping you to think like your sweet baby might be thinking.

You are doing a fantastic job. You truly care about your baby, you are here asking how to make life better for her. You know what is best for you and your baby. We are all here to support you.


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