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#712344 - 01/11/09 12:26 PM Kiwi and Me...how to live without her?
SugarBlossoms Offline
Serious Glideritis

Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 5830
Loc: USA
I lost Kiwi a few hours ago....I'm so lost. I don't know what to do without her. She has been in my bra and on me since last August. She came to me after Peanut had passed in July. Kiwi was 8 1/2. She had no mate, no wheel, no toys, just a raggedy holey pouch and an old bird toy/rope in a cage with the bottom grate rusted out. She had never been on a diet, she ate whatever the people ate or fed her. She came with Giardia, HLP, roundworms and a UTI. She was near death, couldn't climb and could barely crawl. The top of her head was almost without fur.

She was soooo beautiful. She had the prettiest face I've ever seen...her eyes ... I can't begin to explain. She had so much love in her and trust. She hasn't left my side in the 5 months I've had her. When I would put her in her pouch so I could rest, she always kissed me. When I came to get her, she reached for my hand and held on so I could pick her up.

HLP...she regained the use of her limbs and was able to walk and climb some. She LOVED her little bell and would lay in her hammock playing like a kitten with it. She never did use her wheel, she didn't want to. The little bell was the only toy she loved.

She loved my rings and necklace for some reason. She always tried to "remove" my medical bracelet though...lol She didn't want it on me for some reason and would attack it.

I've spent 5 months getting her to eat...ANYTHING. She was so picky and would rather not eat than to eat something she didn't like. I worried day and night. With her illness and not eating, she lost a total of 51 grams...from 121 to 70. The vet said much of the weight she had was from the worms...and fatty foods.

As of last week, she had gone into congestive heart failure. There was nothing else we could do. I prayed anyway...day and night and night and day...I knew I didn't have long with her but still I hoped. She sub-q'd her 3 times yesterday and she seemed better and did eat some but then she vomited and got dry heaves. The first 3 weeks she was here, she had to be hand fed and or force fed. I didn't want it to come to that again and decided not to force feed this time. Yesterday, she stopped eating altogether and wouldn't even take liquids or licky's. She did kiss me once though. She wanted to be rubbed and massaged more so than usual and cried out once. I know she was hurting by then. Her breathing was more erratic than usual, she didn't have any strength left.

She only wanted to be on my chest, not in my bra this time...just over my heart. I held her there for hours, talking and petting her. She never could maintain a warm body temperature and had to have a warming disc and lots of fleece blankies when she was in her pouch. This time, she stayed warm on me without too much help. I knew she was going home then...she stared at me with those big beautiful eyes all night. I tried not to cry but I couldn't help it. I had always begged her to not leave me alone...to stay another day at least...this time was different, she was looking at me for some kind of permission..this time it was her begging me to let her go. I had to tell her she could. She went to sleep after that and took her last breath. It feels like mine went with her.

I still couldn't let her go...I kept her in my bra for about 2 hours. I just couldn't let her get cold. I finally lifted her out in her blankies ... took off my bra and wrapped her in it. It was the only place she wanted to be, her body will be laid to rest in her favorite "place".

I will ask Dr. Williams to place her beside Peanut at her home. I can't do it. I couldn't bury Peanut so Dr. W. took her to her house.

There will be no necropsy this time. Kiwi had been through enough in her life and fought the past few months. I can't and won't do it this time. I think it's plain as to why she passed...

I won't be available for the older rescues for some time now. My chest is killing me, my heart is ripped out and I feel like I just want to go be with Peanut, Isabella and Kiwi. Three precious angels I've lost since last July. I can't do it anymore...not right now...maybe not ever. I feel selfish feeling this way but I need to try and heal before I can go on with this.

I am feeling so hurt, angry and an absolute dislike for the human race right now. I can't understand how anyone could not care for these precious babies and cause them to be in this situation...and the pain those people cause the ones who would give their life for these babies.

So tell me...what am I to do without Kiwi now? She was my little buddy, my love, my constant thoughts, fears, hopes, dreams. I feel so empty...my chest is cold without her there. My soul is crying...my heart if completely broken now....I love you Kiwi. I will always love you, remember what mommy told you earlier...find Peanut and Isabella..they are with Roo...they will take care of you with Jesus until I can come home too.

God speed my precious little angel. Mommy will see you later...
_________________________
Keeper of Handprints on my Heart, You left your Footprints on my soul.
My precious loves that left to quickly, Peanut, Katie
Isabella, Kiwi, Bonnie and Monroe.

Spread your wings and glide free of pain,
Until the day I see you again.

God speed my precious angels. I love you. Mama.

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#712484 - 01/11/09 03:32 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: SugarBlossoms]
sugarlope Offline
Glideritis Anonymous

Registered: 03/28/02
Posts: 19735
Loc: in my happy place
cry I am so very sorry that you lost Kiwi. But so happy for you both that she came to live out the rest of her life with you and know what real love and compassion felt like. hug2
_________________________
~Gretchen
Maia & Squish
If we never loved, then maybe we would never feel pain. Love anyway. It's worth it.

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#712500 - 01/11/09 03:59 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: SugarBlossoms]
ozzi Offline
Glider Addict

Registered: 02/01/08
Posts: 3201
Loc: Sedona, AZ
I am absolutely heartbroken and in tears after reading this. I am so sorry and I know there is not a lot that will ease your pain. My boys are 7 and 8 right now and when "That" day comes and my heart is destroyed once again, that will be the last time I ever go through the pain of losing one of these beloved little one's.
I hope Kiwi finds Fivel and Lucy too and they all play happy and free...
I wish I could do anything to ease your pain....Pat
_________________________
Pat
You have not lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you.....Unknown

Rest in Peace our little sweet friends that have crossed over the "Rainbow Bridge".
I miss you gangel Boo-Boo, Lucy, BJ, and Fivel gangel

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#712507 - 01/11/09 04:12 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: ozzi]
hwh4ev Offline
Glider Addict

Registered: 12/03/08
Posts: 2833
Loc: roseville, mi
my heart aches for you. i also have tears for the heartache that you and kiwi have suffered.

take care,
nancy
_________________________
regards,
nancy in roseville (formerly in detroit)

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#712642 - 01/11/09 06:28 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: hwh4ev]
tinkers_mama
Unregistered


I am so sorry, I know I cant say it enough. I have just cried and cried reading Kiwi's story. You are such a wonderful mommy to your glider's. Lots of love and prayers to you tonight. hug2 1 million more of these. If I can do anything for you, please let me know.
heartKristin

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#712731 - 01/11/09 07:39 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: ]
Feather Online   gc/lgc
Administrator

Registered: 01/19/08
Posts: 11939
Loc: Wisconsin
I am so sorry for your loss. Kiwi knew she was loved. May your memories of the good times that you had together comfort you.
_________________________
Kimberley
Feathers-Sweetie, Sklyar Blue, Mister Peanut, Big Mack & Ibo
Fur-Widget, Guinan, Mr. Spock, T'Mir, Micheal, Stevie, Cho & :bb: T'Pol, Elizabeth & Curzon :wfb: TY, TJ & T'Pring :rtmo: O'Ryan :leu:
Forever in my heart, Gizmo, Tucker and the rest of my babies over the :rbridge:


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#712816 - 01/11/09 09:07 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: Feather]
Brittany_S
Unregistered


i dont usually post on the memorals but i have to. This story made me cry almost immediantly. I a so heartbroken for this little angel. All i can say(even though you heard it a million times is) sorry. I hope it makes it better by saying that you will see her and peanut again. All your babies including isabella will be seen again...

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#712841 - 01/11/09 09:37 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: ]
SugarBlossoms Offline
Serious Glideritis

Registered: 02/23/06
Posts: 5830
Loc: USA
Thank you so much for all of your kind words and many hugs, they are appreciated beyond words. I'm pretty lost right now, just going through motions that I have to and trying to take small breaks in between. It's hard to concentrate on any one thing right now. Time will ease the raw pain but with me, I will always have some. The innocence of gliders can't be matched with any other animal (to me). I still think about my first puppy I lost when I was six years old. My father didn't tell me until I was 24 that Skippy had been hit by a car. It was like losing him all over again. People say I hold on to the past too much, maybe I do, but I don't want anyone forgotten. I have to be honest though, I've never felt THIS kind of pain and grief losing other animals, there is something about gliders, I wish I knew what it was.
_________________________
Keeper of Handprints on my Heart, You left your Footprints on my soul.
My precious loves that left to quickly, Peanut, Katie
Isabella, Kiwi, Bonnie and Monroe.

Spread your wings and glide free of pain,
Until the day I see you again.

God speed my precious angels. I love you. Mama.

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#712898 - 01/11/09 10:40 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: SugarBlossoms]
Brittany_S
Unregistered


I feel and actually told someone today that gliders are like humans when it comes to emotion. When they are happy to see you, you can tell. When they are scared to death, you can tell. When they are angry, lol you can tell. my gliders are like my own kids. I love them and i can guarentee that if i lost one i would be in the same place as you. Gliders are so close to all of our hearts.

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#712931 - 01/11/09 11:26 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: ]
tbull Offline
Glider Addict

Registered: 10/04/05
Posts: 3884
Loc: Wyoming
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for giving Kiwi so much love in the last months of her life. hug2 hug2 hug2 She is out of her pain now. hug2
_________________________
T~
www.lovegliders.com

** Meddle not in the affairs of Dragons, for
you are crunchy and taste good with catsup **

*Proud to forever be a Boo-Boo and BJ Fan!*


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#712991 - 01/12/09 01:00 AM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: tbull]
silverwolf Offline
Glider Slave

Registered: 06/15/05
Posts: 1732
Loc: Utah
Oh hun I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I will try and call you tomarrow and we can talk.

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#713086 - 01/12/09 08:19 AM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: silverwolf]
glidrz5 Offline
Serious Glideritis

Registered: 06/13/01
Posts: 7297
Loc: Quincy, IL
I'm so very very sorry to hear about your Kiwi. At least she learned what true love & caring was in the short time she was with you. (((((HUGS)))))

THE RAINBOW BECKONS

In loving memory of my angels who have crossed over the rainbow bridge


The rainbow has beckoned
It's calling you home
To meadows and forest
In which you may roam

My heart it grows heavy
To think you might leave
I'd be all alone then
Alone then to grieve

I know deep inside me
That you cannot stay
The pain that you're feeling
Grows more night and day

You look at me asking
In your silent way
To let you go home now
"Please let me" you say

You say there's no pain there
No fear and no hate
Just peace and well being
Once you're through the gate

You tell me you'll always
Hold me in your heart
That time and that distance
Can't keep us apart

And if I should need you
At my side you'll be
Tho I cannot see you
You'll be there with me

You promise to wait at
the rainbow for me
To wait `til I join you
Together to be

I just want to hold you
And beg you to stay
To ask please don't leave me
Alone on this day

Yet deep in my heart know
I must let you go
You must make the journey
now to the rainbow

I bow down my head then
The tears fill my eyes
I give you my blessing
My love now to fly

So fly to the rainbow
And wait there for me
Some day I will join you
Together to be


by:
Chris Hamann
_________________________
Chris
Illusion, Malcom, Isabell, Annabelle, Zach, Isis, Aly & Indy
AND Miss Emmy & Miss Chloe kitties

:rbridge: My Angels: You are always in my heart.

You've flown to the rainbow
and wait there for me
Someday I will join you
together to be



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#713623 - 01/12/09 07:00 PM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: glidrz5]
glidersafari
Unregistered


I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It made me cry right away upon reading this, reminding me of my own losses. I understand exactly what you are saying. Jus tpray God will ease the pain in your heart. Lots of hugs to you.

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#713996 - 01/13/09 01:21 AM Re: Kiwi and Me...how to live without her? [Re: ]
GliderLoverSteph
Unregistered


im soo sorry for your loss...

I feel so lucky to have amelia as long as I hace had her for, she is now at an old age of 12.

I love her to bits, she isnt doing the greatest right now though, I have noticed her decrease in food and activity, I have been spending every day "in the moment" with my little girl so when she dose pass we will have wonderful memories together.
I really hope she will live to see just one more summer, sitting on the porch with her other glider friends, watching the birds as they fly by, I just want her to have one lst summer.

Your little glider will be waiting for you on the other side, dont worry, you will see your little bra baby again laugh

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