Howdy Tynk,
As many of the very knowledgable people here have already mentioned, these little buggers do things at their own pace, in their own way, with each their own limit. That doesn't mean you should be without hope... just may require more patience than you originally planned. To top that off, you have rehomed furballs, with babies, who do not -sound- like they were handled very often before coming to you. Hope you like challenges, because you climbed stright in to the heavy-weight ring
Don't fear though. Look at it from the view point that YOU are trying to join THEIR colony... and they are basicly experiencing an episode from 'Lost in Space' or similar: new territory, family to protect, strange unknown creatures who communicate funny & may want to eat them...
I'm not saying any of this to put you off or scare you... just, perspective. Once you make it over the hump it will be sooooo worth it all. They amount of happiness these crazy critters can bring is amazing.
As far as what to do... step back & slow down. Trust me, I know it's hard, I had to do exactly that a few times during the first many moons I had mine. Each time I gave them that break... just sitting near them, reading outloud or talking to them... letting them get use to my continual presence really... when we resumed fully interacting through bathroom/tent time, pouch time, or just inviting them to come out & play, there was noticiable improvement. I came to kinda looked at it like time to let things soak in. A couple weeks of interactions, then maybe a week of space.
Even with that & two years of them putting up with me, my four have different levels of bondedness (new word, maybe?), each their own tolerances for handling, & not one agrees on how much time or how to play with me. It was a learning process for all five of us
My boys do not like to be handled much, though Arthur will always come investigate me (in the hope it involves a treat, really). It is infrequent that Arthur makes an effort to come out to play, but he's pretty easy to coax out. Merlin... its rare to get him to come out of the cage once he's awake for the night. He doesn't want to be far from the action... but he's quite content being on the sidelines. If I try to offer Merlin more attention, it is more likely he'll retreat to the cage than interact more.
My girls are the opposite. They love to come out of the cage & interact with me; get quite pushy about it. Even with them, there are differences: When active, Morgana will only let me pet her tail, anything else & she'll scurry to the other shoulder, but she's okay if it's been a while since pouch time or a long play date. Gwyn is very tolerant of being petted but will loudly proclaim how upset she is during the wee hours of the night if she isn't given enough attention... & if that doesn't work, she'll become louder & do it more often. (I wish I was exagerating... it's a really good thing she's cute.)
But it has been a two year process to get this far with them. Does it mean it'll take you two years before they'll tolerate you? I doubt that! What you'll see is little gains that, like interest, compound on each other for a time. Then, for no apparent reason, you'll seem to plateau. Give them a little space & patience (yup, that dreadful word again), then progress will resume. Why? Because they're hyper balls of dryer lint with as much personality as most people & that's what they feel like doing, hehehe.
Okay, that's a lot of rambling & examples to try to make a some small, but very important points:
- You're starting from a rough place, take it slow. No, slower than that.
- You just want to love on them while they're wondering if you're hungry.
- You've decided they're part of your family, but they're still deciding on you.
- Changing all that required time, patience, more time, more patience, & patience.
- It is totally, 100% worth even minute of every effort.
If you're looking more for techniques, I can offer those as well... but first, taking a deeeeeep breath & keeping those points in mind is what got me on track.