This is yet another attempt of mine to try and type this out. Every time I try, I fall apart all over again. I know this post is really long, and I am sorry. I just don't know where else to go to grieve.
I haven't posted on this forum in months, and I've really missed it. I finally enrolled myself in college to earn a Bachelor's of Science degree in Biology. I want to work in wildlife conservation or in a zoo. But college is hard when you have been out of school for 12 years. On top of this, I have become a foster parent for a local pit bull rescue group here in Memphis, TN. All those babies keep ya busy. I also got a promotion at work which added more work to my plate. I've had two deaths in my family, one just this past September, and I also ended up with a 1 week old flying squirrel orphan to rehab since I also do wildlife rehabilitation. I had to hand-raise the little baby, but he is doing great. He's almost full-grown now. But with raising a flying squirrel by hand, along with all of my own babies plus my fosters, and my job, and my homework and my husband...my time playing on the internet has just been cut so short over the past seven months, I couldn't do much more than check my email, then log into my classes. My birthday was in August. For my birthday, my husband bought me a HUGE, new 4-person tent for me to have tent time with my suggies because he is awesome like that. They also got a new cage this past summer. It's the big 5-foot cage you can get off of Ebay for $100. Moodai and Mowgli are amazing. Mowgli is the first sugar glider I have ever had. He was my rescue glider that was given to me as someone else's unwanted pet. I don't see how anyone could have met Mowgli and not wanted him. He bonded
to me quickly. Moodai bonded
to him quickly, too. Moodai never has bonded
to me very well, but he was Mo-mo's shadow.
When my husband and I returned home from our visit with another couple of friends on New Year's Eve, everything seemed to be in order except a flower swag that I have hanging on a wall. It had become crooked and a chunk of it was on the floor. I figured it was just getting old and falling apart. I didn't think anything of it. We let the dogs out and headed for bed since it was now 3:00am. I had put food out for the squirrel and for the suggies before we left. I could hear my suggies running in their wheel. All seemed well in my house. At about 8:00am yesterday, I woke up to let the dogs out and decided I needed to potty, too. I walked into the hallway bathroom and saw something floating in the toilet. I saw that gray and black color, and my heart stopped. I thought, "No. No, no, no, please don't let that be a sugar glider. Oh, please, please, no..." But it was. I ran from the bathroom sobbing. I first ran to the cage, hoping I was just having a walking nightmare, or that I just imagined it. But only Moodai was in that cage. All of the cage doors were shut. I don't know how he got out! I ran into the bedroom and woke up my husband. I just stood there crying. My husband Joey ran to the bathroom and got him out of the toilet, wrapped him up, and came into the kitchen to get a Christmas box for him. He was trying to keep him from me, but I wanted to hold him, though. He was so cold. I wanted to get him warm again. He isn't supposed to be that cold, I thought. I began to weep. I just help my angel and I cried and told him how sorry I was and how much I loved him. I just kept thinking about how I slept through him crying out to me or how I didn't check on my babies when I came home because I was tired. We left the toilet seat up. I HAVE those stickers in both of my bathrooms!...The ones that say "Gliders don't float, please close the lid". I put those up as soon as we moved into this house! I bought this big new, secure cage! Neither suggie has escaped that cage EVER, and they've been in there since the beginning of last summer! The cage doors were all closed, and Moodai was still in the cage. I wish I could just turn back time and pay closer attention. Or be the SMART pet owner that realizes when something up HIGH on a wall is messed up, then perhaps one of the 3 FLYING mammals in this house could be loose. I am such an idiot for not realizing this. I always thought I was a good pet owner. I've rescued and rehabilitated and fostered and volunteered with rescues my entire life. And now my own stupidity...my own ignorance and negligence has caused me to lose one of my precious babies. I RESCUED Mowgli, and then I killed him. I hate myself for this. I can't stop seeing that horrible mental image of my baby boy floating in that awful, cold water. It seems so...wrong...for that to have been the way he died. Such a disrespectful way for such an amazing little life to end. And so easily prevented.
My husband buried Mowgli last night. He came back inside and woke me up to tell me that he had buried Mowgli. But he started crying when he tried to tell me. I had no idea my husband loved my sugar gliders as much as I did. My husband is in no way, shape or form a cryer. He didn't cry when his own grandfather died. But he has taken Mo-mo's death really hard...about as hard as I have. He keeps saying it is his fault because he left the toilet seat up. If he had just closed it, Mo-mo would still be here with us. I keep thinking it is my fault for not checking on them when I got home...just ASSUMING they were okay because I heard that wheel turning. My heart is sick with grief now, and I don't know what to do. When you have these little pets that you spend so much time with, put so much work into making happy and healthy, and you take them everywhere...losing them is like losing a family member. It's so hard. I did not want to start my new year off this way. And then the people...no one understands this kind of suffering. No one really cares. I have a few nice friends who say they are sorry to hear of my loss, but you can see they don't really understand why I am so torn up over "a rodent". I even had someone make fun of the situation. He asked me why I was sad and what happened to my sugar glider. I thought he was actually concerned so I started to tell him, but he beat me to the response and asked, "did he have freak blender accident?...flying under the influence?" and then laughed. When I ignored his message and told him what happened, he said, "so they aren't accomplished swimmers then?". Why must people be so hateful and insensitive?? If you don't care, then don't say anything at all.
Now I don't know what to do about my poor baby Moodai. He is so bummed out and depressed now. I've been loving on him and talking to him. It's the only way I can get him to eat and sleep. He keeps either searching all the pouches
, refusing to eat, or just sitting in a ball in the corner of the cage. Joey is here at night and I am here during the day, so we keep comforting him as best we can to make sure he is eating and sleeping
. I am in so much pain right now. Accident or not...I just cannot stop crying. My heart feels like it just got run over by a train.
I miss you so much, Mo-mo. You trusted me to keep you safe and healthy, and I failed you. Please, please forgive me. And I thank you so much for choosing me to be your human. You changed my life in so many ways, taught me so many wonderful things, and trained me well. I will never, ever forget you, and I will love you until the end of time. Mowgli peaking out in the tent Mowgli loved his toys Mowgli Mouse Tent time Hanging out on mom's shoulder